So, as Charlotte York (Kristin Davis's character on Sex and the City) once famously quipped, "Where IS he? My hair hurts..."
As a single gal myself, I have to agree that I'm tired of it all. I don't want to make small talk, endure that awkward "getting to know you" phase, wonder what he's thinking of me...anymore. I don't want to have to brush off suitors with whom I don't feel any chemistry, I don't want to negotiate religious perspectives, and I don't want to be the only one who's making an effort.
I am ready for THE guy. The one who will know all my stories and not be bored of them. The one with whom I can share inside jokes. The one who understands my foibles and how to deal with me. I want the comfort of a man who "gets" me, with whom there is rhythm and stability and future.
Don't get me wrong. It's great to be single, to be able to pick up and go at a moment's notice if I want, to make my own decisions and purchases. Susan and I are a good team, and I'm not wanting for companionship, but in the wee hours of the morning there's something to be said for that dream of "happily ever after." I've had several dates recently, so it's not like I'm wallowing in loneliness. I actually am happy with the results I've gotten from eHarmony. But I just want to cut to the chase already.
Did I jinx it by wearing the wedding dress too soon? I've been told that as a first grader I drew an elaborate photo of Dan Reichard and me on our future wedding day. Like most little girls, I expected to be a bride! Now, before you start scolding me for dreaming of the white dress and the cake and the flowers, let me clarify. Lord knows I love a party, and naturally planning a wedding would be tres exciting for me, but it's not the center of my heart's desire.
So I'll keep dating, and keep hoping. I'm content with my life, but I'm ready. Beth
I want what I saw in church on Sunday. An elderly couple came to the communion rail. Both were frail and fragile, but the husband was particularly tottery. He wore dark glasses indicating severe vision impairment, had a visible hearing aid, and was markedly bent over. As they began to kneel down, his wife reached over from his left and placed his right hand on the rail. Just a simple gesture, but it made me very emotional. THAT is what I want. Somebody who instinctively knows when I need a hand and is there to guide me.
Beth,
Such an honest entry. I have no doubt that you will find that happily ever after. Pretty soon a man will see what all of your friends have known all along!
P.S. How cute are you in that wedding dress?
Posted by: Mary | August 28, 2007 at 04:27 PM
I know this comes straight from your heart. During our recent conversations, I am not much help in giving any motherly advice. Your father was my first real boyfriend and there was never any question. He pursued me and other encouraged us, and it was like magic...we fit like hand and glove. As we enter our 50th year together, I never want to live a day with out him. I thank God every day for the wonderful man He has given me and I pray for the same for my children. "In the wee hours of the morning" it is a gift to have someone who "gets" you, who understands you, and takes care of you. I am sure you speak for lots of wonderful women out there whose hair hurts and are asking "Where is HE?". xxxooomom
Posted by: Mom | August 29, 2007 at 09:16 AM
I love your post today. It is extremely heart felt. I'm sure you will find someone amazing and have the happily ever after. Don't give up on EHarmony. My BFF met her husband on Match.com and I ended up with his BFF. Pretty funny story...I totally understand how you feel because I went through the same thing after my divorce. Yes, I was married with him but I still felt alone. Keep your chin up.
Posted by: ady abreu | August 29, 2007 at 11:28 AM
I agree with what all these fine ladies have said. My only advice is that love comes when you're least expecting it. I've found that to be true so many times for so many people, and including myself. I had no idea that while I was dating "mr. wrong", "mr. the-one" came into my life. Fortunately I had enough common sense after a while to see things clearly. Keep an open heart and an open mind! Praying helps too, along with a good haircut. :-)
By the way, I think I love your mom!
Posted by: barb | August 29, 2007 at 11:56 AM
Beth, your post struck a chord with me because my hair has been hurting for the last four years! *teasing smile* I'm glad you're meeting some good men via eharmony. Online dating can be really hard, but you never know--all that small talk has to be leading somewhere, right?
Your mom's comments are really sweet. How wonderful that she's willing to share her thoughts with all of us via your blog.
Rachel
Posted by: Rachel Thomae | August 29, 2007 at 01:32 PM
Nothing is wrong with the dream of a white dress, party, etc. I've been where you are and the best part is that you are, as I was, happy being single. So when you do find that person, your relationship will be SO much richer for it and you will never take eachother for granted. Keep the faith and your eyes open. Love you!
Posted by: Sharon | August 29, 2007 at 01:47 PM
such a great entry. I don't remember which show it was (the reality one where they got counseling and make overs from folks like Ivanka to get on with life after a major relationship) but they would "repurpose" wedding dresses into get ups for the first date these chics went on. I was always like "uhhhmmm...bad karma". At least in your case it is a dress of what is to come as opposed to what was (smile). Your knight will come...I didn't do e-Harm, but match worked pretty well. Just a word to the wise, never settle. Tired and hair hurting as you get, don't wake up one day thinking "any guy" will do because then you'll be repurposing your wedding dress with Ivanka (smile). Good luck!
Posted by: Bernadette | August 29, 2007 at 02:07 PM
I loved your heart felt post today. I totally understand where you are coming from. I never thought at this stage in my life I would still be single. Looking back I am thankful that I didn't feel the need to settle for "best of the bunch" All I wish is when it's my time I'm not burried in my scrapbook supplies!
I loved the story of the couple in church but what really amazed me is I haven't seen a communion rail since 1974 let along one being used!
Posted by: Nancy | August 29, 2007 at 03:01 PM
WOW! Amazing post.. you've put in words that I try to but can't! I know what you mean about being ready for THE GUY! So am I!
Posted by: Michelle | August 29, 2007 at 03:49 PM
Cute dress, Beth! And it's much nicer than anything that was featured on the LAST post...
Posted by: Joni | August 29, 2007 at 04:03 PM
I want you to have what your mom has!!! And I don't think it's impossible. In fact, I think there is someone out there for everyone. I always thought I would be the single older woman living alone in an apartment with 32 cats. Seriously. Because I had no ability to flirt or make small talk when I was in high school. But somehow in college I went on a date with a guy who was sooooo easy to talk to that we sat up until 2 a.m. in my mom and dad's living room, almost unable to stop chatting. We've been married almost 24 years now, and I feel the same way your mom does. It's wonderful, and I want everyone to have what I am lucky and blessed enough to have!
Have you ever read the Mitford books by Jan Karon? There is a character in those books who is Fr. Tim's housekeeper. She feels the same way you are feeling. So Father Tim prays for God to "start the parade" of good men coming her way. And before she knows it, she's met her true love and is planning her future with him. So I think I'll pray for the parade to start for you!
Posted by: Jan Connair | August 29, 2007 at 05:08 PM
Beth, I just want to hug you!!! I hope Mr. Right finds you....SOON!!! xoxoxo
Posted by: Tina Albertson | August 29, 2007 at 05:22 PM
This post demonstrates just one of the many reasons why I love you and am so happy to be your friend. You're honest. BRAVELY honest sometimes. Like I said on Sunday (before we were so rudely interrupted by Mike--are you sure you want to find THE ONE b/c THE ONE sometimes stands for THE ONE WHO DRIVES ME NUTS), I'm glad you're not settling. You're making a real effort to try to get to know some of these matches, you're being yourself, and you're acknowledging that it's just not clicking. Whether you decide to give a match another chance or not, I hope you'll be fair to YOURSELF.
Posted by: gabriella biancofiore | August 30, 2007 at 08:01 AM
You have such a passionate way of expressing yourself... I see a scrapbook page coming from this :) Happily ever after can come without a man, too, can't it?! *HUGS* to you
Posted by: Andrea Deer | August 30, 2007 at 08:10 AM
Not having been on the dating scene for very long myself, I can still totally get what you are saying. Actually, I really LOVE being single. If you knew what I had lived with for the last ten years of my life, then you would understand what an understatement that is. That being said, like you, I still am hopeful for THE man. The one that cherishes me, can't wait to get home to be with me, thinks of unique and exciting ways to show me his love. The one that makes me feel like a princess. Yes, I love being independent and spending my money how I want (actually, I am just thankful that I now have money)... but there is something to be said for being queen for a day (or a lifetime).
Oh... and those "wee hours of the morning" go much quicker when there's a body to keep you warm (among other things). ;)
Posted by: Lisa Merriman | August 30, 2007 at 10:21 AM
Ah, cute and fabulous Beth.
I too wish for every person to have what I have, and like Gab implied, it's not always perfect, but it's always dependable and that gives me strength and happiness.
Choose your love and love your choice.
I think there are many people out there for us to love, if we can risk and commit and be willing to take all of the bumps that will come along the way, being sure to LOVE the other before ourselves.
I'm sure you will not sell yourself short... that isn't you. I do hope that you give fair chance to those men, who aren't the same as you, because they might just be a great COMPLIMENT to you.
I just love you!
Posted by: Carolyn | August 31, 2007 at 07:01 PM
awww, Beth....the right one will come along when you least expect it!! I know there is "your perfect match" out there somewhere, just continue to be patient. We don't always understand God's timing but it is perfect. Keep smiling, you never know whose eye that sparkling expression might catch :)
Posted by: Sue Fields | September 02, 2007 at 09:05 AM
I teared up when I read the "what I want" part. So true so true. Every woman deserves to be cherished - don't settle for anything less. :)
Posted by: Kitty | September 03, 2007 at 08:29 AM
I loved this post too...and hope to encourage you to not change who YOU are...or where your HEART is. It has a lot to do with trustng God and believing that HE knows what's best for us. I would think He would rather have you single and be the ONLY "man" in your life, than to have you meet and marry the 'wrong guy' for the sake of being married. I am still trying to figure out the 'whys' and 'how comes' and the 'whats' of life...but have no doubt that God has a rhyme and a reason. ANd I continue to trust His ways are best- even when they don't feel like it or align with my hopes and dreams.
If it's HIS plan for you...one day your Prince will come. =) I can assure of that. Keep trusting...keep believing. I can't help but think He has it all figured out already. I am happy you are living with contentment...and hope you do so- no matter if the 'right one' comes along or not. You are a blessing to many!
Posted by: Jody Ferlaak | September 03, 2007 at 09:14 AM
"To everything there is a purpose, and a time for every season under Heaven."
I don't get His plan most of the time, either, like Jody said, but there's always a reason. Always. Believe He's doing what's best for you. Your future...and your biggest dreams...are very dear to His heart. He loves you more than anyone - even more than any Mr. Right would! Keep the faith, my friend!
Posted by: Tracey Wilder | September 03, 2007 at 02:27 PM