frustration...then realization

I'm really frustrated right now.  There just seem to be so many feelings of inadequacy at this point in my life, and I struggle with how to handle it all. 

The Frustration

School - School is just tough right now. 

• I feel like I am working harder than ever in my job these days, but the criticisms are highly outweighing the praise.
• I received 160 papers to grade in the last week.  I want to give good feedback on each and every one, but it seems impossible.  I even have about 20 in my bag to grade over the weekend.  What a drag!
• I never, ever catch up.  Ever.
• I'm trying desperately to get ten students to commit to coming to the spell bowl meet on Monday, but the commitment just isn't there.  On top of that, I have to drive the mini-bus which makes me feel like a world class dork.

Scrapbooking - I'm feeling blue about that, too.

• There is NO place good to get up-to-date scrap stuff in the city limits.  None. Zip.
• I just don't have time to do it.  I get to the weekend, and I am so worn down from the week and all of the chores that I need to attack in those few precious hours that I get to 5 pm on Sunday and can't even begin.
• We do not have a place to scrapbook, instead we store all of our stuff in a mudroom attached to our kitchen.  When there actually is time to scrapbook, our house is a mess and completely disrupted.  There's just no place to leave a project in progress.
• We have a really cool photo printer that we have yet to get to work properly (or at all for that matter).
• I keep trying out for contests and magazine calls and seem to come up empty.
• My style doesn't seem to fit the current trend, and I'm really not willing to change what I do.

Life - It seems out of my control.

• My roots are grey.
• My thighs are enormous.
• I have no male prospects in sight.
• The interior of my car is absolutely filthy.
• The Tigers are not going to win the World Series.
• Our next door neighbor is waging war over mowing a patch of grass that he is certain is on OUR property.
• My brother and sister-in-law are moving to Turkey this month and taking my nephews with them.

But then today, as I ran some of those errands I was talking about, I started thinking that I really need to reassess.  And then I came to ...

The Realization

School

• I have a job that pays decently.
• The kids are good kids. 
• I feel safe in my classroom.
• I have a classroom rather than a cart like some of the newer teachers at our school. 

Scrapbooking

• I am on a design team that treats me well.  There are many scrapbookers who would give their right arm to design for Deja Views.
• I have been published in two different magazines more than once.  Again, I am very honored!
• I've met a whole lot of really cool people through scrapbooking (see list to left)!
• I did that whole super cool filming of the DVD in Utah.  Can't wait to see it IRL! 
• I am able to participate in fun online communities (when I get a precious moment to myself) like SIStv, Scrap Etc., and Create My Keepsake.
• I'm going to the Scrap Etc Event 2008 in Nashville for my birthday!
• I create beautiful and meaningful pages that I adore.
• I have a room chock full of gorgeous supplies.

Life

• I have a great sister who will color my hair for me.
• I have a full head of pretty hair.
• I have the ability to go to the gym and also to buy healthy food.
• Though I have no male attention, I have enough self-confidence that I can live without a man.
• I have never been in an abusive relationship, nor have I ever been divorced.
• My car is reliable and paid off.
• The Tigers can try again next year. 
• I have a cozy home to come home to after every frustrating day at school.
• My brother Paul is coming to visit!
• I have a DVR full of fun TV to watch.
• We have a friend and colleague (we call him our polygamous husband) who mows our lawn for us.
• We have an awesome and supportive family.
• We have friends who adore us.
• We have mad party planning skills.
• Maybe I will finally visit Europe now that my brother and his family are moving.
• I am not fighting cancer like my cousin Sandy.
• I am not fighting a custody battle like her daughter Julie.
• I am not pregnant with triplets and anticipating a long time on bedrest like my friend Gabriella. 
• I did not suffer a stroke like Karen, one of the secretaries at our school.
• I am not, like my friend J'Nelle, nursing my husband back to health after he fell two stories from the roof of their home to the concrete patio below.  Thank God for the miracle that Bob is alive and healing well.
• I have not lost a child in the war in Iraq like the Woodward family.
• I am a child of God.

I guess I am done complaining now.  There's so much to be thankful for, really!  I think that I am off to scrapbook!

Susan

Comments

[Jan Connair]

Your "glads" ended up far outweighing your "bads"! Sometimes ya gotta just get it out of your system, and as you hear yourself listing all of the negatives, it makes space for and generates a stream of things you realize you can be thankful for.

I am sure you are a blessing to at least one person every day, if not an entire classroom full. Add that to your list!

[gabriella biancofiore]

Now that's an awesome attitude to have. It really is. (And I'm not just saying that b/c I constantly feel sorry for myself when I think that I'll soon be trapped in a bed until I deliver this trio.)

Also, have you two considered turning my bedroom--okay, okay, fine, the GUEST room--into a scrap space? Is it at all possible? I don't know how you'd do it; especially with the bed and all, and I don't know if there really is enough light in there to work well, but is it a possibility? Or is it just too much work? Can all the supplies go back into the mudroom when out of town guests arrive? Just thinking...

[Andrew Harbison]

You inspire me Susan. We should all check ourselves from time to time and see the gifts in our lives that we have.

[pearl maple]

Congratulations in finding the good things, it is not always easy but always worth it.

[Diane]

Wow, that is quite a list Susan! So glad you are such a positive person and I admire the faith you have in everything around you. I find it very therapeutic to write things down like this when I'm feeling frustrated too. Hope you have a good rest of the week girly! :)

[Kelly C.]

Susan,
I just love reading you & Beth's blog. You are both so real and aren't afraid to put "IT" out there. Hang in there.
You two do seem to have it so together! I love that you both keep it real. You see the good, the bad and the ugly, but some how ALWAYS find the beautiful!

[Tiffany]

And that ... that is why I love you Susan! Hot thing that you are, I love you!! :D

[Christine]

I'm going through some stuff right now too just glad that there are more things to be grateful for than sad about. I am sad about the Tigers this year too. But I am so happy that they had a good season and I am hopeful that they will have a excellent season next year!!!

[Carolyn]

Look at you workin' in out!
It's good to have low times, they help us step back and relfect.
You know I think you are fabulous! I think you are talented and I'm glad you are my friend!
Loves!

[Joni]

You know, I have yet to meet a woman who is satisfied with her thighs.

Do you really get to drive the short bus? I think that's cool...

[Sue Fields]

Great post!!! We ALL can relate to the "not so bright" side of things but the important part is that you appreciate the positive side of things. Way to go with that great attitude :)

[Jessica Turner]

I love that picture of you in your classroom!